I'm telling ya, it's been HELL this past month and a half. I lost nearly a grand and I'm in the process finally of getting it back. It's no fun at all. At the same time, I'm continuing to watch the downfall of someone important to me as they, nor I, cannot fix their life. It's basically over. Stuff went down and now I have no car, no home, no girl, no money, etc. Sure, I got a place to stay for the time being, but no one knows how long this is going to last.
I'm facing the fact: I've actually come to the brink of insanity. Any more losses, and my mind is gone.
Why am I not concerned? Why am I still here after the suicidal thoughts and tendencies?
Only God REALLY knows. I've got a couple close friends that are here for me when they can be. I've managed to eat and drink each day with no money in my pocket, which will change on Monday, as I FINALLY get out of debt. I got my first band member for Wolf In Vain, so that's another plus.
There's also something ironic. I made a...deal...with God. There was a certain sin I came close to committing. I could commit it, W.I.V. dies out. I resist the temptation, W.I.V. gets somewhere. I resisted and the NEXT day, I got an email from a possible rhythm guitarist AND I got in touch with a bass player. I'd ask God for a drummer, but I'm good for the next week or two. Got to train my guys!
What is Taylor W. Colo'n getting at?
You, TOO, can find that light at the end of the tunnel. We all have difficulties. Pains. Agony and irritation. Temptation. Et cetera. I've met so many people this past year with similar problems, but they all neglected that there was at least one or two persons there to push them along, either physical or mentally. Also, God IS there. Maybe a friend prayed for me once or twice, with some changes, but the best results came when I softened my heart just a tad and started talking to God myself.
H E L I S T E N S .
Don't close him out. Talk to him. Ask Him for help, rather than a psychiatrist. I often find myself just going at it with God in random places. People give me looks, asking if I'm crazy. YES! I AM! I'm on that damn brink, but so what??? God's holding my hand, keeping me afloat in these dangerous waters. I'm not dead. I got a band. I got music out there. I still have a family. As far as I'm concerned, I'm on top of my problems. And I believe you each deserve to be, as well.